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Monday, August 4, 2008
Only a week has passed. How many more weeks to go?

I don't know if this is usually the case, but I'm already getting a lot of hell from SIP. Some may say I'm lucky to have gotten crap only on the second week, I think I've had enough. I'm supposed to finish something I'm new to by noon tomorrow, and I'm damn stressed over it. That's not so much of a problem, but it's the new thing I'm worried about, as well as the timing. If I don't finish it, I'm doomed. It's hard for me to get fired, but that only means I'll get even more crap in the future, considering I'll be there for another 2.5 months.

Some may think I'm weak, I cannot handle stress, etc, but let me tell you all that you can go fuck off. What you say or think about me will not change the fact that I am INDEED weak and unable to handle stress.

Ever since I started SIP, I've been going home insanely late (by my terms). Because my mum works as a canteen vendor and thus has to sleep early, I rarely get to spend my time with her. Not just her, but my whole family as well. When I reach home, they're usually asleep, and the lights in the house are all off. The only light I saw was the light emitting from the candle flames at the altar. The only time I could spend time with my family was during the weekends. But even if so, it feels too short, and soon enough I would find myself back at the office table stressing my ass off some stupid project that demands my life.

In short, my freedom is now gone. I can't do anything anymore because of SIP, and I can't find time to do anything because I have TOO many things I wanna do. I want my freedom back......

When I was on my way home today, I saw rows and rows of chairs stacked up by the wall. I walked up and saw a group of people outside my house. At that very moment, I freaked out. Okay, I'm not supposed to say this since it's the seventh month, but I thought something happened. My heart literally stopped beating and my breath grew heavier the closer I got home. I thought the same thing that happened 2 years ago happened again.

I know it's beyond my control, but I really don't like going home late, not just for personal reasons. If I reach home late, I can't spend time with my family as much as I used to before, and I ended up regretting not being able to when I found out that I could not longer do so. I may be selfish and all, but I love my family and I wanna spend as much time with them as possible.

I lost my love because of my fucked up personality. Now I have no one other than my family to be with when I'm down. Outside, I'm alone. All alone.



.....fuck, I feel like crying.

Dempster
9:55 PM


The Details
Name:Masaki Ryodo

DOB: 060589

Lives in: Singapore

Hobbies: Drawing, playing games, eating, sleeping, listening to music, recording audios, playing musical instruments, singing

Likes: Janne Da Arc, Rockman, my family, my Vater drum sticks, blue, nature, singing

Dislikes: Backstabbers, annoyance, americanisation, stuck up and/or snobbish people, things that happen last minute, stress

Personal Quote
"I am not a perfect person, but I can help you when needed. If I can't help, I'll do my best to listen."

The Music
Hitotsu [fandub]
I Want
My own room
Complete Ano Hi no Taiyou
Complete Rockman Delta
A recording studio
DS LITE
To earn money
PHOTOSHOP CS3
Learn to sing well
My own drum set
GOOD INTERNET
NINTENDO WII IJDIAOSJFOEOAW
OPTIMUS PRIME FIGURINE
PSP
MORE TIME
WACOM TABLET
Electric guitar
COSPLAY AS KYON

The Past
September 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 June 2009


The Links
Other Blogs

Daniel Kong
Benjamin Poh
Shahul
Aidah
Hafiz
Jaseemah
Idah
Ubaidah
Yumi
Froggy
Rino
Haris
Yvonne
Angie
Cheryl "Keita" Ang
Wei Wei
Atsumori Yuki
Minatsu-chan
Fiona Poh
Evon
Eekeng
Akiha
Chibi
Lirin
Valerie aka Aya
Dear dear
Kumiko
KuroHoshi
Sakura-chan
Baitenshii
Acedemond
Yuna
Simin
Izumi
Ayu
Ryan Ding Ding Dong
Miharu-sensei
Kimberly Kaceng
Beckie
My DesTi1 Blog

Other Links

My DeviantART Page
My Youtube Channel
Blogspot

The Past Post
  • SIP Starts
  • Internship
  • Reflections + To my friends
  • Work Kills
  • Love
  • Oh no, I'm screwed
  • Emo
  • First Recording
  • Death awaits me
  • Hatred for Life


  • tagboard


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